Transcending Identity

The year 2020 marked a dramatic turning point in the United States. Racial tensions flared to levels not seen since the Civil Rights movement. Culture wars, which had been taking place for years, dominated attention in the mainstream dialogue. At the center of it all, we were all grappling with this notion of identity.

I am, myself, a multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-national, "multi-religional," Third-Culture Kid. As someone with my diverse background, I was expected to take an impassioned stance on these issues. 

I wish I could tell you that the system around us is so broken that we cannot find peace until all these issues are resolved.

I can’t.

The truth is that my experiences have showed me that we have much more control over our peace than we think. 

Before we enter an era of escalating racial tensions, we personally—and as a society— must become more aware of what identity means to us and how we let it play out in our lives. Without setting this north star, we risk embarking on a course to justice that will divide us rather than unify us. 

Why is identity important?

Our understanding of our own identity is important because our identity is the structure upon which our plans for the world take shape. 

If we feel ourselves belonging to a heritage with strong roots and foundation, we are more sure of ourselves and confident in our ability to navigate the real world. On the flip side, if we believe we are tied to the negative stereotypes of our past, we become anxious, insecure and hopeless.

It is important therefore, that we can and do make choices for our identity and establish a worldview that works for us not against us. 

I have taken this journey. In this process, I found a model we can use for how to find peace in our individuality in order to unite on issues that transcend identity.

Understanding the difference between divisive and unifying identity

Today, we associate our identities mostly with race and ethnicity. These are elements of what I call “divisive identity.” These are inherently fixed and out of our control. Decided at birth. As soon as we identify with one, we create a box for ourselves and we create an “other” category for everyone else. 

“Unifying identity” is the layer we build on top of the elements of our divisive identity. This identity is “unifying” because it is shaped by our social interactions and our desire from a very young age to fit in with the group. Unifying identity therefore, is more behavioral in nature.

The racial tensions of 2020 got us all to focus very acutely on our divisive identities. This is normal human behavior. In the face of crisis, we group together because it is safer for us; we can more reliably predict the response to our ideas and we can feel safe knowing that our actions will go unchallenged.

We got tricked by our own human nature into believing that what is the same as us is good and that what is different than us is bad.

From my personal experience, I can tell you that this is not how we resolve identity. In fact, it is the opposite. We must learn to embrace our own differences first in order to find unity with those who are different than us.

Embracing divisive identity

In my adolescence, I defined myself based on my divisive identity. If you had asked a younger me who I was, I would tell you that my mother is Vietnamese. My father is South African. I was raised Jewish. Half my family is non-Jewish. For all I knew, this was all I was.

I got teased every once in a while, sure. Some people tried to put me down because I was Asian. Some kids wouldn't play ball with me because I was Jewish. It was confusing at first. But I learned that if I could not change these things about myself, it was best to embrace them.

I changed my approach. I felt I had a secret no one else knew—they couldn't hurt me by attacking what I was most proud of. 

I embraced the parts of my identity I could not control so that no one could hurt me by attacking them. I found harmony in what made me different. 

Discovering unifying identity and making it an instrument

Once I found this tranquility with this part of my identity, I released my attachment to it. In my twenties, I left home to study a Masters in a foreign country. In my years living abroad, I spent much of my time in the expat community. We were all from different nationalities and backgrounds but the one thing that united us was that we, as expats, were defined as “outsiders” in a foreign land.

So we united on issues that banded us together.

I shed parts of my ego linked to my previous identity and built a new personality to serve this new purpose. I learned to find similarities on the basis of ideas that had nothing to do with divisive identity.

I took cues from my external environment and found connection in unifying ideas that transcended race and nationality. Eventually, I stopped trying to impose my worldview and I learned to listen and react to my environment.

I discovered that there is much more that unites people than the color of their skin, their background or their nationality. 

I realized at my core that “human” is the only identity that unites us all. 

See the forest instead of the trees

We must find peace in our individuality before we can unite on issues that transcend identity. Without this, we risk setting out on a course to justice that fails to see the higher version of shared progress that we are all looking for. 

We will be challenged in this next generation to combat problems that are much greater than that of identity. While we are distracted fighting issues of Black vs. White vs. Yellow, an invisible hand is tipping the scales towards unprecedented levels of income inequality, rising levels of depression and anxiety, and a deteriorating environment. These are the issues that will define our generation.

Towards the end of his life and career, the great Martin Luther King Jr. evolved into a crusader against poverty, not just civil rights. In his final book, “Where Do We Go From Here: Chaos or Community?” Martin Luther King Jr. outlines his vision to provide every American a guaranteed, middle-class income. MLK saw then what we are failing to see now: that there are urgent problems that need to be solved that transcend race and identity. 

New political parties will be formed on the basis of solving these problems.

If our identities are the structure upon which our plans for the world take shape, we must ensure that we find closure within ourselves. Only in this way can we can lead with clear hearts and minds. When we are in conflict internally, the world becomes a manifestation of our own problems. We see the world in silos and fail to realize the suffering that unites us all. 

“A knowing from [our] mother’s soul…

We are human, after all.”

- ZEMBU